you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
