if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
