Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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