my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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