Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
