Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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