Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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