so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
