You made me cry and you don't even care
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
