take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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