The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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