wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Someone came in the potted fern
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
