I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
