im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i think im in europe. pls send help
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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