Please, let me fuck your mom
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
