Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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