Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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