"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
