New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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