dude i'm inner monologue high
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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