I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
