I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
