I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
