I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
