Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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