You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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