I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
