no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
