I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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