It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think your dad took our porno
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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