TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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