is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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