Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His hands were made for my vagina.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
