It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
