And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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