Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
