My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
