Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
