i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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