once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
