I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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