The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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