C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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