saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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