Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
is that a dick in a sweater?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
