I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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