I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
