I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
