Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
