i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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