I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
