Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
