It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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