I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
