I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
